


The Cloud That Keeps Raining Down

by brokenhighways



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Asshole tendencies, Douche!Jensen, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Night Stands, Students, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 01:50:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9526532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: Jared and Jensen are two dirt-poor business students who survive by sharing a nasty little apartment above a fast food joint. They struggle through four years, but never openly admit how they feel about each other. However, when they graduate, one of them gets a job in another city. Is it too late to confess their love?





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kalypsobean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalypsobean/gifts).



> Super duper duper late birthday fic for Kalli. I reworked a prompt that I found somewhere and yeah, this was one of those stories that I just had to get out of my head right away. Hope you like it!

**_The Cloud That Keeps Raining Down_ **

Beer spills over the rim of his glass but Jared barely notices. Technically, tonight is supposed to be a celebration. His roommate/best friend, Jensen, has just gotten a job offer in New York City, a far cry away from their hovel in the middle of Chicago. The party was impromptu, only coming about after Jensen yelled, ' _Fuck, we should invite a bunch of people over!_ ' into his ear on the phone. The lump in Jared's throat is less of a surprise given that it's been kicking around ever since he found a list of apartments on Jensen's laptop. Technically, he shouldn't have looked, but this is _them_ , they don't have secrets and they share everything. Except for maybe how they feel about each other, but that's life. Jensen's dated many different people since they met and Jared messed around with one guy for a few years before realising that there was no point in breaking someone's heart when his was already taken.  

  
Jensen is less of a romantic than he is. It's not one of Jared's favorite qualities about his best friend, but he knows that Jensen's a great guy just the same. Still, watching him openly admit that he's dating people for aesthetic reasons (or even because he heard that they have an uncle who works at a Fortune 500 company) makes Jared wary of confessing his feelings. He knows that there's some attraction on Jensen's end, given the one night stand they had after Jared's messy breakup, but they never talk about it.   
  
"Please don't tell me that you're emo-pining about your boyfriend moving to another city?" Chad punctuates his words with a hearty thump on Jared's back. He's not sure who invited Chad, but where there's free booze, Chad will appear.   
  
"I'm not emo-pining," Jared insists. "It's just going to be weird is all. I'm gonna have to find a new roommate, new gym buddy, someone to cook for me because I can't make anything that isn't ramen and--"   
  
Chad raises a hand as a way of interrupting. "Dude, you're rambling. Look, why don't you tell Jensen that you have a hard-on for him and then maybe he'll, I dunno, stick around."   
  
"Yeah, 'cause Jensen just screams long distance relationship material," Jared remarks, sighing heavily when he catches Jensen laughing at some crude joke one of his douchebag basketball buddies makes.   
  
Chad cocks his head to one side as he concedes the point. "That's true, that boy cannot keep his dick in his pants. Much like that last loser you dated. Do we need to hire you a relationship guru?"   
  
Jared rolls his eyes and doesn't bother to reply. Chad is just as bad as Jensen, if not worse. Maybe he needs a best friend guru. Chad slaps him on his back again and wanders off somewhere, leaving Jared to nurse his warm beer. Unfortunately for him, their apartment is so small that there isn't anywhere for him to hide. After a brief mental debate, he decides to hang around outside, and maybe snag some free fries from the rib joint downstairs.   
  
He's there for about ten minutes before Jensen appears and steals one of his hot wings. Jared elbows him, but there's no malice, this is just them.   
  
"So, you must be excited to get your dream job," he says, grimacing at how awkward he sounds.   
  
Jensen frowns at him. "Are you okay? You've been quiet tonight. Chad said you weren't feeling well.”

 

Jared is surprised that Chad didn't give the game up, but his friend does have his good qualities. Jensen being concerned is too much right now so Jared pastes a fake smile on his face.

 

“I'm fine,” he lies, making a show of rubbing at his temple. “I just had a headache.”

 

The look of concern that washes over Jensen’s face makes Jared feel extremely guilty. He should be helping his friend celebrate instead of dragging him along to a pity party. He should be _happy_ for Jensen. And he is, he's just, feeling sorry for _himself_.

 “You're a terrible liar, man,” Jensen laughs, elbowing Jared in the ribs gently. “Admit it. You're going to miss me. And you're totally jealous that I'm going to be living in the Big Apple.”

 Jensen's always been insensitive and somewhat self-centered but this time Jared doesn't find it endearing in a messed up way. This time it just upsets him.

 “Yeah,” he says dryly. “I'm jealous.”

 ~

 The next week passes quickly, bringing a flurry of activity with it. There's packing, bragging, and even more bragging. Eventually Jared gets sick of it and crashes with his friend, Aldis. Aldis is doing the same degree as him, but he's repeating his last year. Jared still remembers the way Jensen snorted cruelly when Aldis told them, remembers the way he said nothing.

 “Maybe Jensen leaving is a good thing,” Jared wonders as Aldis watches _General Hospital_ . Okay, well, technically _he's_ watching it while Aldis copies his notes. “I feel like I kind of...enable his douchiness.”

 “ _Kind of?”_ Aldis echoes. “My momma told me that he was the kind of white folk I should avoid.”

 Jared rolls his eyes. "She spoke to him for two minutes. Via _Skype_ ."   
  
"Exactly." Aldis's tone is final, like the last thing he wants to do is discuss Jensen. Hell, that's probably it.   
  
Aldis has never liked Jensen, even though Jensen doesn't have a problem with him. However, Jared can admit that it's fault. Perhaps he's bitched too much, and let Jensen get away with his misplaced elitist attitude for too long.   
  
It still doesn't change the way he feels about him, or the way he's always seen beneath the cock sure veneer and ugly behaviour.   
  
"Look, he's an idiot if he hasn't already realised that you're the best thing that's happened to him," Aldis adds without being prompted. "Now quit moping and explain this to me."

 ~

 When Jared returns to the apartment, half of Jensen's stuff has been packed up and his best friend is laughing easily with a ridiculously good looking guy with dark brown hair on the couch. It feels wrong, seeing someone else on _their_ too small couch. It feels like one final betrayal and Jared realises that what they have isn't _love_. It's just friendship. And while he accepts Jensen with no judgements, his heart isn't as forgiving.

 “Hey, Jared, you remember Ian, right?”

 He can tell from Jensen’s tone that he's either looking to get laid or he's been seeing this guy and it's like a switch flicks inside him.

 He smiles darkly and says, “There have been several Ians, man, you can't expect me to have catalogued your revolving door of conquests.”

Jensen's eyes widen comically and Ian begins to fidget on the couch.

 After a lull, Ian stands up and smiles awkwardly. “I'm gonna head out now. I'll...see you, Jensen.”

 He practically trips on his way out and Jared murmurs ‘ _bye bye bye_ ’ under his breath. He steels himself for Jensen's angry reaction but it doesn't come. Instead the other man breathes a sigh of relief and has the nerve to _grin_.

 “I was trying to let that guy down gently,” he explains. “You just saved me twenty minutes. I think he was a bit...sensitive.”

 It’s yet another douche moment only this time Jared’s not going to let it slide.

 “Do you _enjoy_ being an asshole?” he snaps. “Seriously. Sometimes I have no idea why I'm friends with you.”

 The smile on Jensen's face morphs into a sad expression and Jared - weak bastard that he is - feels his anger ebbing away. Jensen's always been headstrong; he watched his mom work three to four jobs at a time after his Dad left and it made him close a part of himself off. Success was something that Jensen needed to get at all costs, no matter what it took. People were treated like ornaments that could break at any time. Confined to a part of Jensen that was far away and rarely open.

 Jared knows all of that and he _understands_ but it doesn’t make it okay.

 “I'm sorry that me wanting to dump some loser upset you,” Jensen mutters sarcastically. He stands up and makes to leave the room, before stopping to say, “By the way, Aldis called. He needs help with an _assignment_.”

 “Are you ever going to stop judging him?” Jared asks quietly. “Or anyone that dares to _fail._ You remember that class I told you I retook to get a higher grade?”

 Jensen frowns at the subject change but he nods.

 “That was a lie. I flunked it and I had to beg the course tutor to let me retake it. You scored something like a 97, but I went to Aldis for help. You wanna know why? ‘Cause he doesn't judge. He doesn't act like he likes me and then bring random people to our apartment. He doesn't ignore the fact that our walls are paper thin, let alone the fact that we get enough noise from downstairs.”

 Jared quickly cuts himself off because he's kind of going from _I hate that you can so inconsiderate_ to _I'm jealous that you fuck other guys_ and his pride has already been dented enough.

 And also because Jensen’s not the kind of guy who apologises twice.

 Suddenly he's glad that he never got around to hanging up his jacket.

 He makes sure that he slams the door hard on his way out.

 ~

 Being the broke, indebted student that he is, Jared’s _get drunk and get laid_ plan hits a temporary snag when he realises that he's only got five bucks on him. He flounders momentarily when the bartender asks for money, but then he remembers some throwaway comment Jensen made once about him being able to use his large convincing eyes to wrap anyone around his finger. He feels like an idiot but all it takes is a flutter, seductive smile and her face flushes and she says he can have the drink on the house. That interaction only spurs him on and eight drinks, three clubs and several make out sessions later, he finds himself throwing up in what feels like the middle of nowhere. The group he's with are still inside and he realises that none of them care enough about him to come and see that he's alright.

He's always been a lightweight; hell, he and Jensen always joke about it. Except, it's not funny now. He manages to extract his phone from his jacket. His vision is blurry so he hits the first number on his call log, mumbles something once he hears _hello_.

And then he gives into the comfort of the cool concrete against his cheek and the way everything fades to black.

~

When Jared wakes up, _everything_ hurts. His head. His body. His damn pinky toe. And unfortunately for him, he's never been one of those people that forgets everything stupid thing they do after a night of heavy drinking. Probably because he's never been the kind of person to have a night of heavy drinking.

After allowing himself to wallow in self-pity for far too long, he gets up. He doesn't bother to check if Jensen’s in - he's not ready to receive a lecture - before he hops into the shower. Once he feels like a normal human being again, he makes his way to their tiny kitchen. He's got work in a few hours so he intends to grab some dry toast and coffee. Unfortunately for him, Jensen's sitting at the small table with some kind of booklet in front of him. He closes it hastily when he sees Jared.

“So, I called your boss and told him you were too sick to come in.”

Jared barely refrains from sighing angrily. He can't _afford_ to miss work.

“I can't skip work,” he tells Jensen. “Especially if I'm going to be paying the full rent on this place.”

Jensen frowns in confusion, like he hasn't stopped to consider that. He probably hasn't. Since he got the job, he's been in his own world and...Jared’s been acting like a sourpuss. It hits him then just how selfish he's being. This is something good and he should be happy for his friend, not moping like some lovesick teenager.

“Anyway,” he says, losing the edge in his voice. “Thanks. Uh, how are the plans going? You all packed up yet?”

Jensen eyes him carefully but he doesn't comment on what he said before. “It's going. I'm just finalising a few things. Gonna go to my mom's tomorrow, help her out for a bit.”

If their _relationship_ is the proverbial elephant in the room, then Jensen’s mom makes for two. If anything, she's the one thing that would make Jensen stay. Jared goes to see her sometimes and reassures her that her son is on the right track and _no, he's not hanging around with any troublemakers._ She's always been a little strict and he always wonders if that's why Jensen is the way he is.

“Okay,” Jared says. He helps himself to the still warm coffee and takes a seat across from Jensen. It’s time for him to stop focusing on himself. “Tell me about your new job.”

Jensen huffs petulantly. “So _now_ you're interested. After blowing me off for a week and then getting wasted, leaving me to spend my entire night on _puke_ duty.”

Jared winces.

Okay, yeah, he's not been the best friend lately.

“Sorry?” he says sheepishly.

 Jensen rolls his eyes before he walks out of the kitchen.

 ~

 The bills for the month begin piling up and Jared decides to grab them and do some sums. He promptly regrets it when he realises that there's no way he's going to be able to pay for this quite frankly overpriced hovel by himself.

 “So move out,” Chad says around a mouthful of fries. They're at the rib joint downstairs and even though Jared is somewhat sick of the place, the food is cheap and it's _downstairs._ He can be lazy at times. “Maybe you can find something better.”

Jared considers that and finds himself thinking about Thursday nights, when he and Jensen would watch movies and drink beer because they didn't have classes on Friday. He remembers them drunkenly stumbling into the rib joint and being shooed away by the owner after five minutes of nonstop giggling.

There are four years of memories and he can't walk away from them yet.

“Maybe,” he echoes when he catches Chad observing him closely.

Neither of them say more on the topic, but they both know that Jared’s not ready to move just yet.

~

It takes two days for Jensen to finally confront him over the drunken incident. In that time, Jared's picked up extra shifts as well as another gig - his ad hoc stewarding job at Wrigley. He's done the math and if he spends every waking hour at work, doesn't eat, cancels his internet and Netflix account, he can just about afford to pay the rent and utilities.

Unfortunately, he stupidly leaves his open notebook with said sums on the kitchen table, only remembering it when it's launched at his head at one in the morning.

Jensen glares at him angrily.

“Dude, you can't possibly be considering staying here when I'm gone.”

_When I'm gone._

It sounds so final, no matter how many times he's pictured a dramatic airport scene where they both confess their love and - well, the daydream always ends at that point.

Jensen must take his silence to mean something else because he joins Jared on the couch and gives him _that look._ Jared jokingly calls it the intervention expression even though there's nothing funny about it.

“Look, you've been distant, stressed out and weird since I got this new job,” Jensen points out. “And I realise that it's partly my fault.”

Jared raises an eyebrow because this is new. The Jensen he knows usually isn't at fault for _anything._

“I was so busy apartment hunting and doing the interviews and everything that I didn't consider what it would mean for you. So if you're worried about rent, don't be. I can help out until--”

“--until you _can't_ ,” Jared interrupts angrily. What does he look like? A fucking charity case? “I don't need your damn pity money.”

Jensen shifts uncomfortably, like he wants to say something but he's not sure how. Eventually he says, “That's not what I meant. You can't kill yourself working just to pay for this shitty apartment.”

“Maybe I don't think it's shitty!” Jared snaps, because he doesn't. At least not entirel...it's not just the memories, it's just...this is the place where they became friends. The place where he realised that Jensen wasn't a bad guy underneath his sometimes questionable exterior. The place where they ate cold pizza and talked about everything whenever the power went out. This is the place where he fell in love and he's not ready to walk away from it. Not yet.

“You're just saying that because you're used to it,” Jensen says gently. “I would feel a lot better if I knew that you were somewhere else. A bigger place. Or hell, crash with Aldis, his place is cool.”

Underneath the hurt and anger, Jared knows that Jensen is only trying to help, but right now all he feels is rejection.

“Yeah, well, too bad you're leaving,” he retorts. “I'm staying here and that's final.”

Once again, Jensen rolls his eyes and finally leaves Jared alone.

He does his best to pretend that it doesn't sting.

~

Chad groans when Jared tells him about the conversation. They're at a bar and Jared is sticking to lemonade on the account of the residual headache he has from his hangover.

“I'm sick of hearing about this, man,” Chad snaps. He takes a swig of his beer and picks up his phone. “Dear Jensen, please get your head out of the clouds and do something about the fact that Jared is hopelessly in love with you before I am forced to chop my ears off. No love, Chad.”

Jared's eyes widen as he stares at Chad. “Send that and _die._ ”

Chad grins at him but he puts the phone back down. “Look if I were you, I'd let him go and move on with my life. Or I'd throw caution to the wind and just tell him. He's leaving in a few days. What have you got to lose?”

~

What _has_ he got to lose?

The question plays on his mind long after he and Chad part ways and the more he thinks about it, the more he realises that he can't go on this way. The angsting, the not knowing if there's something here.

Something worth fighting for.

It's late when Jensen gets back from visiting his mom, late enough that Jared's glad he's had dinner. Late enough that he's starting to chicken out.

Jensen surprises him by initiating a quick hug when Jared is about to make his escape. It's brief, lasting just long enough for Jared to detect the lingering scent of Jensen's cologne. He can tell that there's something worrying Jensen but part of him wants to just pretend.

This is their new reality. He might as well get used to it.

“Can we talk for a second?” Jensen asks, surprising Jared. Usually, Jared's the one who wants hugs, he's the one who wants to talk.

“Uh, sure,” he says, making his way back to their battered couch. He tries not to think about that night many years ago. He'd just dumped his cheating boyfriend and was wondering if maybe the problem was him. Did the fact that he liked someone else mean that he was to blame for the breakdown of their relationship? On that night, Jensen reassured him that he wasn't entirely awful and one thing led to another and here they are.

Jensen joins him on the couch and starts chewing on his lip anxiously, almost as if he's _nervous._

_“_ So, I told my mom about the job and...She was happy, I guess,” he starts awkwardly. Jared tries to meet his eyes but Jensen deliberately avoids them. It puts Jared on edge and he shifts so that there's greater space between them. “And then she asked me about you. How you felt about everything and--is it true? Do you...have _feelings_ for me?”

Jared's head snaps up at that and he can finally see Jensen's eyes. There's confusion, horror and sadness. Suddenly, he can't do this. He can't sit here and unpick his feelings just for the sake of it. He moves to stand but a hand on his arm halts him. Jared jerks away as if he's been burned and Jensen lets his hand fall away.

“I'm sorry that was _insensitive_ of me, it's just that my mom was pretty insistent,” Jensen explains. “And then on the train ride home I was thinking about it and it all clicked into place. I...I mean, do you? Or have I just imagined it all a--”

“--Yes, I'm fucking in love with you,” Jared snaps, annoyed that having the chance to confess has been taken away from him. He almost wishes that he'd let Chad send that text now. “And I know that you don't feel the same way so how about we pretend that we didn't have this conversation.”

He gets up then, storms out before Jensen can protest. Emotion bubbles in his chest and he practically slides down his bedroom door after he closes and locks it. It's just a _lot._ Sure, he's imagined this moment many times but he's also imagined getting over it and meeting someone else and fuck, who is he kidding? There is no _someone else_.

The knock on the door startles him and Jared shifts away from it.

“I'm not opening it,” he calls angrily. “If you want to talk about what happened with your mom, fine. But we don't discuss my feelings.”

It's unfair. He knows that but he can't deal with it. Not without over thinking and freaking out and he'd like to be alone for that.

“Jared, don't be like this,” Jensen says through the door. “I'm your _best friend._ We... We're supposed to tell each other everything but... Neither of us have been doing that lately.”

Jared's always been easy when it comes to Jensen. He became his friend easily, fell in love with him easily, heck, he fell in bed with him easily and right now he can't deny the twinge in his chest when he hears how lost he sounds. Jared's not about to abandon someone that needs him because he's feeling sensitive. He shuffles forward and unlocks the door before he moves back to lean against his bed.

“It's open.”

There's a brief hesitation before the door opens and Jensen walks in slowly, his sock clad feet padding against the carpet softly. He joins Jared on the floor, exhaling gently as he settles on the navy carpet.

“I'm not taking the job,” Jensen informs him after a lengthy silence. “It wouldn't be right.”

Jared frowns because this has been Jensen's goal from day one. Graduate at the top of his class and then get the hell out of Dodge. Why would he just give up on that dream?

“I didn't tell you about New York because I couldn't tell the full story,” Jensen continues. “You know me better than anyone and I can be mean, and I can be an asshole but you've always kept me grounded. Accepted me for who I am while making sure that I didn't go too far. That's why I shut you out. In some messed up way, I convinced myself that you would hold me back instead of giving it to me straight like I needed you too and--”

Jared stops Jensen by placing a hand on his knee. “Just tell me what you're trying to tell me.”

“I didn't get that job on merit,” Jensen admits. “I... hooked up with one of the interviewers. I was nervous and it just _happened_. I didn't answer a damn question. Next thing I know, I'm getting an email saying that I got the job.”

Jared blinks owlishly because _wow._ He's not sure who's worse here: Jensen or the interviewer.

“So that's why you're suddenly not interested in the job?” he asks quietly. He could admonish Jensen, yell at him and demand to know why he'd do such a thing but there's no point. “Because you didn't get it on merit?”

Jensen's eyes cloud over and Jared is momentarily taken aback.

“That's not it,” Jensen snaps. “I...You know what my mom said when I told her the job was in NY, she said _'who is going to look after you there?’_ like I'm some sort of child. I was pissed but... She's right. I need that anchor pinned to me at all times to stop me from doing stupid shit. And that's _you_. I need you and that's a lot to process.”

This is by far one of the most confusing conversations that Jared has ever had.

“Are you saying that I’m a glorified _babysitter?_ ” he asks. He's not sure if he should be flattered or not. Yeah, he's gotten Jensen out of a few sticky situations but stopping him from fucking his interviewer would be above his pay grade. _Well_ above it.

“I'm saying that I need _you,_ ” Jensen repeats. “You're the one person that gets through to me and no job in the world is worth losing that.”

Needing him and _loving_ him are two different things but Jared doesn't mention that. He sits there and tries to take it all in.

~

“Wow,” Aldis says when Jared relays the conversation to him. “Maybe there is a heart in there after all.”

Jared doesn't ask for a clarification, he's confused enough as it is by Jensen's weird confession that he _needs_ him.

“So, what are you going to do?” Aldis asks. “He basically told that he loves you too.”

Jared drops the pen that he's holding. “No he didn't. He said that he _needs_ me to make sure that he doesn't do anything stupid.”

Aldis shrugs. “I've said similar to my girlfriend and hey, she hasn't run away screaming yet. Not everyone is good at saying how they feel but he actually said that you're his _anchor._ That's a clear confession of love.”

The thing is that Jared has always had this picture in his mind and everything Jensen told him has shattered it into pieces. He's not even sure if he can forget that Jensen's the kind of person that uses sex to get what he wants. Fantasising about being in a relationship and actually being in one are two different things.

Maybe their time has passed and he just has to deal with it.

“So, you're not going to give him a chance,” Aldis says when Jared puts it to him. “You're going to judge him for one poor decision. The way that you never have before. And he's done a lot of fucked up shit. So why is this your limit?”

“Because,” Jared says pointlessly. “Because I think that I deserve better. Maybe I'm his damn anchor but that's not what I want to be. I want him to be there for _me_ and...He was up and ready to move without discussing it with me first. Now he's staying because he fucked his prospective boss and it would be awkward. All of that stuff about needing me is... _nice_ and all but how can I believe it when he's staying for another reason?”

Aldis gives him a sympathetic smile and turns back to his laptop. “I think that you're over thinking things. The other night when you foolishly went out and got wasted, you called me. And I called Jensen to chew him out for losing you and he freaked out when I told him that I found you slumped in an alley drunk. He came back to your place within ten minutes and he was practically frantic with worry. You _never_ get wasted because you're usually with him.

And look at how you've been running yourself into the ground since you heard he was leaving. Who normally cooks for you, and makes sure that you don't wear yourself into the ground?”

_Jensen does_ , Jared thinks.

“So, you're saying that I _need_ him too?” Jared replies slowly.

He knows it's true, knows that there are certain things he'd never do if it wasn't for Jensen.

But still…

“What about what he did?”

Aldis grimaces. “Not gonna lie, it's a little gross but you know what? It's a tough economy. There are probably people out there who've whored themselves out for less.”

Jared shakes his head, but smiles a little. Technically he's supposed to be helping Aldis study but his mind is just not in it.

It's only on one person and that's who he should be talking to.

~

In the end, it takes a power cut to bring the two of them together. Jared's in the middle of a pretty intense _Fast & Furious _ marathon when his laptop dies and the light goes out seconds later. He knows that Jensen's at home because of the loud thuds he's been hearing throughout the evening. He's unpacking and Jared’s not sure how to deal with that.

Despite that, he gets up from his desk and leaves his room, making his way to the kitchen so that he can grab some candles. Jensen’s beaten him to it, if the candle resting on the center of the table is any indication. However, the two dinner plates are a surprise. He spots the cooling containers and wonders when Jensen went back to see his mom. Her cooking is amazing, only falling a close second to Jensen’s and that's only because Jared's biased.

“This wasn't supposed to be like this, but I think the circuit breakers downstairs are fried again,” Jensen tells him. “Good thing that isn't our first rodeo, huh.”

Jared stares at him before gesturing wildly at the table, “What is _this_?”

Jensen rubs at the back of his neck nervously and Jared wonders if everything is okay. The last he saw Jensen this nervous was the morning after they had sex. He'd been freaking out about how Jared would react given that he wasn't into casual hookups and _oh_ . Jensen is nervous about _him_? Jared blinks and shakes his head gently.

“Are you trying to _woo_ me?” he asks, and he winces at the way he sounds like he's in some kind of drunken stupor. He's just confused because Jensen doesn't do romantic dinners. He does two for one margaritas and pizza.

This...this is new.

 “You're not some fifties southern belle, so, no,” Jensen grumbles. “This is making an effort because...I'm in love with you too and I...have no idea how to be _in_ love. I just know that the thought of someone else having you has always driven me insane and I fixated on our night together for a long time. Long enough that I tried to force myself to forget.”

Jared wants to believe him, but there was Ian from a few days ago and the people before that. He fucking _blew_ a random interviewer and all of a sudden he's _in love_ with Jared?

“I...could never admit this to myself but I liked having this home with you, I liked taking care of you. I like it when you call me Betty Crocker and try to make me wear an apron, I like your offkey singing in the shower and the way you see the good in everyone. In _me_.

And, I know that I fucked up with that job but I was desperate. I thought that if I didn't get something right away, it would mean that I'm a failure. But right now the only thing I care about not failing is you. Or _us._ We've been living in each other's pockets for years now, been taking care of each other for just as long and I want more. I guess I..want all of you. If you'll have me.”

Maybe it's the sensory overload or the intense glare of Jensen's bright green eyes but all Jared can wonder is how long it took Jensen to prepare his words. It's not a vicious thought, he just knows how Jensen gets. When it's important, he has to plan everything down to the last detail. Every word. Every sentence. The fact that he's done so for Jared is sort of sweet.

“Impressive speech,” Jared says eventually when the silence starts to become awkward. “Kind of a lot to take in.”

Jensen snorts softly. “You're telling me, man. I...I can't believe that I almost left. I...in some way, I wanted you to ask me to stay.”

Just when Jared thinks Jensen is done surprising him, his best friend throws another curve ball at his heart.

“I wouldn't have done that. Getting a good job meant - _means -_ too much to you.”

Jensen shrugs. “True. But some things mean more.”

Jared stares at the light of the candle. He thinks about the daydream, the way Jensen's eyes would crinkle as he stared down at him, love plastered all over his face. The way he seemed to glow as the softness of his skin caressed Jared's hands.

The reality is much different. Jensen is pale and nervous, his left leg shaking with jitters as he taps his fingers on the wooden table. There's no romantic glow, just darkness and the flickering blur of the candle.

In the daydream, there was never anything else. But here, now, there's anticipation. There's hope and Jared is finally about to get what he wants.

“You've had all of me for a long time,” he just about manages to say. “And I'm not going anywhere.”

The words seem to let off a dam in Jensen because he's over and across the room before Jared can barely blink. He smiles brightly just before he leans in and catches Jared's lips in a kiss. It's tender, gentle and it lights up all of Jared's nerve endings. He burrows closer and increases the pressure, suddenly desperate to keep their momentum going.

Eventually Jensen pulls back and Jared lets him go.

“I'm your anchor,” Jared mumbles stupidly.

Jensen blushes deeply, his cheeks turning a hearty red. For whatever reason it makes something stir inside Jared. A wanton swirl of lust that he doesn't even want to push down.

“Are you ever going to let me live that down?” Jensen asks, his voice laced with embarrassment.

Jared smiles gently and pulls Jensen in so that their practically sharing the same space for. “No, but you don't have to worry. You're my anchor too.”

By the time the power comes back on, they're too lost in each other to notice.

Fin.


End file.
